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Apr 132011
 

Why Revise Your Poems?

by David B. Axelrod

Because, as often, poets write from the heart, I meet many people who are unaccustomed to revision, even rejecting the notion that they should take suggestions. Their comments as often reflect the sentiment that “It came to me that way and I like it that way,” or “If you change it, it won’t be mine anymore.”
  

I write for myself. I revise for others. If all I wanted to do was release some energy through writing, I might not revise. Poetry, for me, however, is a means of communication. I want people to understand and respond to what I write. I want them to see exactly what I describe, feel the emotions I wish them to understand.   

To do that I need to consider not just how I think and feel or how I use the language, but how my reader thinks, feels and uses the language. Thus, I am very glad for comments on what I write. I can say, categorically, that every creative writing and poetry writing class I’ve taken or taught has included “workshop” time to collect comments from others for the purpose of revision.

Thus, though I may be quite happy with the first draft of my poem, you can be sure I will go back over it and look for what might be improved. I say this even as I confess that I love it when a poem just rolls write out. It feels like “inspiration.” I’ve written hundreds and hundreds of poems so I bring a lot into play as I write and thus, sometimes don’t appear to revise as much when I go back.

Here is a poem I wrote straight out, looking out my window as I wrote this lesson. In the discussion below, I’ve made at least one change.  (The  slash / is where I would divide my lines):

The big boy on the bicycle  /pedals standing. The blue  /dirt bike fit him for thirteen  /not sixteen. Hurrying to hand-  /ball behind the high school,  /hanging out, talking girls.  /The bike’s small frame  /renders him a circus clown,  /but learners can’t drive  /on their own. He’s lucky  /he’s alone except for one  /person taking notes.  /If I were a photographer,  /he’d be shot, or if I were  /a painter, I’d render him  /a modern Icarus pedaling  /too close to full-grown.

I’m unhappy with the word “shot.” It’s too harsh–even violent. I wouldn’t want people to mistakenly think I have negative feelings or bad intentions toward the boy on the bicycle I observed! All I intended was the notion that I could preserve h is picture, have “evidence” of how he looked as he pedaled by me.

So, I thought of several other words for what a photographer does: He “photographs” but “If I were a photographer I’d photograph him” is too long to say and redundant. “I’d take his picture,” is also too long to say. Then I had a passing notion of saying I’d “digitize” him, as we now use digital cameras. I think you can agree that doesn’t work as a word to substitute for “he’d be shot.” So… I settled on a simple substitute:

“If I were a photographer, he’d be snapped.”

“Snapped” is certainly friendlier than “shot.” I’m not yet fully satisfied. So far that is actually the only revision I’m working on–which is not typical. More typically, I make a number of changes to any poem I write. I try to think of all the variables that a reader brings to a poem and I try for “pure” communication.

It should be fun, but it isn’t always easy! If you have suggestions for revising this poem, I’m glad to hear from you. We’re all in it together, trying to write better poetry.

Apr 132011
 

 

FORMAL POETRY AND THE SONNET 

by David B. Axelrod

Many poets write using rhyme. Many more are masters of set forms. At a time when the majority of America’s recognized poets are writing in a plain style–blank verse and free verse–going back to learn the “forms” might seem unfashionable. However, there are some good arguments to encourage a diligent student of poetry to the study of formal poetry.

There are those who say “if you don’t count the beats, it isn’t poetry.” After nearly a century of free verse, such a pronouncement seems a bit extreme! What can be said, however, is that the predominant history of poetry is one of regular meter and rhyme. A poet should spend some time with forms if for no other reason than to honor the past, to pay a little back to tradition!

Then, if you think about it, writing poems with “no rules, ” can breed a certain laxity. If there is no rhyme, no regular meter, no rule for length of the line or the poem itself, what measure does a poet apply to judge a poem a success? One thing following a form can do is send a poet back to work and rework the lines until they are the best example of the form. Thinking, working that hard could produce a better poem than the amorphous notion that anything goes in poem!

Perhaps one of the best explanations for what a poet can learn from a turn with forms, came from one of America’s foremost sonneteers, Aaron Kramer. Asked by students why anyone would want to write a sonnet, he pulled a chair into the center of the room.

“First, ” he said, pressing his wrists together, “you are handcuffed by having to write fourteen lines.

“Then, ” he said, sitting down to press his ankles together, “you are shackled by having to write with a set meter.”

Leaning forward to crouch into a ball, he declared, “They put you into a sack called rhyme.”

Rising suddenly from the chair to spread his arms, he declared, “But think what a magic act it is if you can set you meaning free!”

Writing a form, mastering a form, truly saying what you want while doing what they say, is a bit of a Houdini act! Why not try a sonnet and see if you can rise to the challenge. Perform the necessary word magic and you will have bragging rights for life!

Some reference material:

www.sonnets.org  links you to a group devoted to sonnets and provides items like a rhyming dictionary.

http://www.sonnets.org/basicforms.htm addresses the structure or logic of the sonnet, also sometimes referred to as the “Volta.”

Here’s a definition of a sonnet by Michael Jarrett, Associate Professor of English at Pennsylvania State University, which provides the basics:

A lyric poem almost invariably of fourteen lines and following one of several set rhyme-schemes. Critics of the sonnet have recognized various forms, but only two types need be discussed if the reader will understand that each of them has undergone various modifications. The two basic sonnet types are the Italian or Petrarchan and the English or Shakespearean. The Italian form is distinguished by its division into the octave and the sestet: the octave consisting of eight lines rhyming abbaabba, and the sestet consisting of six lines rhyming cdecde, cdccdc, or cdedce. The octave presents a narrative, states a proposition or raises a question; the sestet drives home the narrative by making an abstract comment, applies the proposition, or solves the problem. English poets have varied these requirements greatly. The octave and sestet division is not always kept; the thyme-scheme is often varied, but within the limitation that no Italian sonnet properly allows more than five rhymes. Iambic pentameter is usually the meter, but certain poets have experimented with hexameter and other meters.

http://www2.yk.psu.edu/~jmj3/cre_sonn.htm

 To summarize, a sonnet has:

14 lines

Iambic pentameter

A set rhyme scheme

Regarding the meter: English, it is said, is spoken very comfortably in iambic pentameter. That said, most people need to relax into writing with a regular meter. Start by writing out your full name, presumably all three parts (or more): first name, middle name, last name and even Junior if that applies. You certainly know where to put the accents, the stresses when pronouncing your own name. Mark over the accented syllables with a /. Mark over the unaccented syllables with a simple –. Guess what! You just “scanned” your name. Scansion is the notation of the meter in poetry.

Set beats, or patterns of stressed and unstressed syllables are given names. Sonnets are written in measured units, “feet, ” which are called “iambs.” Sonnets are “iambic.” Each line of a sonnet contains five regular iambic units or feet. (Quick math therefore, tells you that a line has ten regularly patterned syllables, five iambic feet, and the entire sonnet, therefore, will have 140 such iambically arranged syllables or seventy iambic feet before it’s done.)

Try marking the correct stressed and unstressed syllables:

“Destroy, create, deceive, ” are all iambic words, as is “believable”–four syllables, _ / _ / .

In fact, the whole preceding sentence scans iambically as does this one!

Mark the stressed and unstressed syllables when you read the following line:

“Perhaps it’s time to scan a line of verse.” It’s five regular feet, iambic pentameter! _ / _ / _ / _ / _ /

Ah, but how could that be when the only two syllable word is “perhaps?” Well, it takes a little practice but if you just listen to the way words are spoken, and occasionally check the dictionary, you will grow accustomed to finding the beat. The trick is to not force the words into unnatural places. Don’t go putting the ACcent on the wrong SYLlable! Multi-syllabic words are pronounced in an agreed upon manner. You aren’t allowed to fracture the language and call it “sonnet.”

Another pitfall in writing the sonnet is “padding” the lines to make the meter come out correctly iambic. You may catch yourself adding unneeded words–syllables introduced into a line not because you need them but because you want to keep the beat.

Oops! Padding your lines, like padding your expense account, isn’t an honest path. A good poet holds him or herself to account. Every word, every syllable should be there to further your meaning, not just to fill out the form.

There is room in any poem for some poetic license, but as a student mastering the form, try to be as correct, as formal as you can this first time through. Similarly, you should try not to fracture normal sentence structure, syntax, to make the beats come out regular.

Try to write “naturally, ” smoothly, so that the lines scan regularly but you are still writing modern English and more so, saying what you mean.

Regarding rhyme: As noted above in the definition, sonnets commit themselves to one or another regular rhyme scheme. “Scheme” refers to the pattern of rhymed line endings. While there are a substantial variety of schemes, it’s suggested you pick one or another of the regular patterns:

A B B A C D D C E F F E GG or A B A B C D C D E F E F GG

Having established the rhyme scheme you will follow, read “How to tell a good rhyme from a bad” so that you don’t wind up writing a nursery rhyme. Rather, the challenge, the Houdini trick which Aaron Kramer so cleverly enacted, is to say what you mean, not succumb to making rhymes.

The logic of sonnets: From the rhyme scheme above, you may have noticed that your sonnet will be divided into three quatrains (three stanzas of four lines each) and a couplet (your last two rhymed lines). For some, that suggests that sonnet, like an Aristotelian plot, has a beginning, middle and end. Indeed, if sonnets don’t proceed as stories, they may act like a syllogism in logic with a major premise, minor premise and conclusion.

There is, in a sonnet, as often what is called “the volta, ” or “turn.” You may wish to organize your sonnet as a story or follow a certain logic, you will be writing a substantial poem. By that it’s meant that you have lots of room to let your subject matter grow. The lines are long enough and fourteen of them are ample length to do a good job.

Most of all, have a good time. Folks do crossword puzzle, play word games. They rise to the challenge with cleverness and a love of language. So, the sonnet should make a worthy pastime, a good game. With luck you’ll trigger something wonderful. Poets who avoid form, sometimes drift into a habit of thinking “anything goes.” If the sonnet requires more thought, more effort, that extra work could bring out the best in you. Enjoy! 

YOU SAY YOU’RE NOT SATISFIED. YOU WANT MORE FOR YOU R MONEY? Click here for two sonnets I have written as samples for you: Sample Sonnets

Apr 132011
 

Essays and Advice for Writers

Here are a collections of articles and essays that advise writers on both the art and the business of writing. I hope they serve you well. Email me with your comments: axelrodthepoet@yahoo.com

 

Apr 132011
 

Quick Links

I maintain a number of websites, each serving a specific audience and need. In addition, I work with many professionals and organizations. Please use these links to visit my own and other recommended sites.

My websites:

 

 

My books are available through Books in Print and on Amazon, quickest delivery and best pricing:

Apr 122011
 

HERE ARE LINKS TO MUSIC, AUDIO FILES AND VIDEO FOR DR. AXELROD

NOVEMBER: a chamber music composition written for Dr. Axelrod’s poem. (Depending on your audio system, this file may take a few minutes to load. )

Credits: Composed by Matthew Pierce. Featuring Ron Meixsell, baritone and Ruthann Turekian, soprano. The musicians: Matthew Pierce, Sally Shorrock, Gene Keyes, Karen Gellert, Marc Maimone, Margaretha Maimone, and Isabella Eredita Johnson. 

Click here for: A reading (in Vienna) of a Yiddish translation of Gerard Manley Hopkins by Dr. Axelrod

 

Click here for:  A podcast interview with Dr. David B. Axelrod conducted by Peter Ward  

 

Click here for:  Video performance of Dr. Axelrod at www.poetryvlog.com

 

To purchase David Axelrod’s books click here!

Apr 122011
 

At this page you will find news of my activities as Volusia County’s first Poet Laureate. I would like to hear from you with suggestions for activities &/or an invitation to come and teach or perform for your organization.

One of my first projects will a YOUNG POETS MENTORING PROGRAM. To qualify, you must be between ages of 13 and 23 and a permanent resident of Volusia County. If you are under 18, your parent or guardian will have to sign a permission slip. Here is a description of what the program offers you.

INFORMATION FOR YOUNG POETS

Do you write poetry? Are you interested in learning how to write poetry?

Would you like to learn more about poetry from an established poet?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then you may wish to apply to participate in our Young Poets Mentoring Program.

There are several ways you can “apply.”  

You can write to me directly via regular or email.

You can ask a poet or teacher to sponsor you and have them contact me.

If you don’t have a sponsor, there is a good chance that I can match you with a poet who has offered to be a mentor.

The advantages of being a participant are many! 

You are likely to learn a lot, and in so doing, produce a finished collection of at least 20 pages of poetry.

You will have your work published as an E-book and some poets will have a chapbook (up to a 28-page, stapled, printed booklet) of poems when they are done.

You will be building your resume! Imagine being able to list that you have already published your work! You will receive public acknowledgement and as likely, more chances to appear and present your work after the formal program is done.

What is involved in your participation? You will be asked to write poetry! (How bad is that?)

You may meet with your mentor to talk and revise poems. (You set the times.)

You will be invited to come to events and read. (Not required by hey… try it!)

You will prepare your book for electronic &/or print publication. (We’ll help.)

Help spread the word to young poets and mentors. Send them a link to this page.

Apr 122011
 

Poetry Doctortm

 

When I called myself “poetry doctor,” it was with a suitable sense of humor. My good friend and mentor, the poet Dr. Aaron Kramer, told me, upon my completion of my doctoral studies, “Never let them call you ‘Mr.’ again!” Thus, as a poet, the title fell upon me… and, in fact, I can help you doctor up your poems if you ask. My website offers both a chance to communicate and learn more about poetry and a network for writing activities more generally…

Offering what working writers need:

  • Free tips and leads for poets and writers.
  • Instruction in a variety of writing-related areas.
  • Editorial services, manuscript preparation.
  • Publishing advice: magazines, journals and books.
  • Book distribution and sales.

CLICK FOR AN ESSAY ON: LIFE AS A POET and more about Poetry Doctor

About 3WS, World Wide Writers Services

“Working the World of Words”

3WS,  founded by Dr. David B. Axelrod in 1990, has as its mission to provide assistance to those interested and employed in the writing arts. In an increasingly global society, writers from around the world have more and more in common.

Whether it is the simple need to check protocol or style, or the more complex issue of freedom to write, there are tasks and interests all writers may share. 3WS is truly “working the world of words” as it adds to it works with and links authors from many countries.

The Poetry Doctor website, designed and written by the staff of 3WS, is an example of the diverse services available from the organization.

If you would like more information about 3WS, or if you have special skills to offer to us or to others, use our form below to contact me.

Apr 122011
 

Contact Me

My home and office are in Daytona Beach.

I’m available to travel for much of the year, but consider coming to work with me.

Daytona itself has a vibrant writing community and then, ah, the beach!

I’m located just a few blocks from the ocean and you can walk fully 20 miles north or south along the coast on exquisite sand!

Address & Phone

1104 Jacaranda Avenue

Daytona Beach, Florida 32118

Phone: 386-492-2409

Cell: 386-337-4567

Located on the peninsula, just blocks from the beach!


Our In-Residence Program

The Chapel (formerly a Greek Orthodox chapel).

This is our office and guest  house.

5. Office and Guest Cottage

We share our offices with the Creative Happiness Institute, Inc.

Note that those buildings in the distance at the right of the Chapel are on the Oceanside, just a few blocks from the house!

 

10. Inside CHI Office

Chapel desk and table

12. CHI Library

Chapel Library

6. Garden and  Fountain

Seating next to Chapel